Finally! Finally I get around to doing this post.
My favorite quotes of Junior year in no particular order are:
-”You are a well-dressed pedophile.”- Ting talking about Andy’s costume for The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
-”Caution: May contain zombie weasels.”- Written by Andy on one of the costume shop boxes which contained a bunch of weasel-like fur coats (Seriously…these things had eyes.)
-Jaye: Jeez! I have to fuck you with a water bottle and a Power Bar.
-Jeff: (after I’ve taken a pecan off of his plate) Now seriously, that was just rude. I mean, a man’s nuts…you don’t just take them.
-Jeff: This is the phone I want. They didn’t have a picture…so I drew it.
-Carolyn 2: I have a new life ambition.
Me: What’s that?
Carolyn 2: To become Carmen Sandiego. It sounds like fun…except for the jail part.
-Shannon: So, I just tasted the lake that this fish came from.
-Mike: Snape, the lesbian vampire. (In reference to what my favorite TV show would be)
-Claire: Cow’s will do nothing to protect you in a violent situation.
-Emily: (while watching Leon: The Professional) Leon: The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.
Emily: But soon I will go forward and learn spoon!
-Candide: “When life gives you lemons, make marmalade.”
-Maya: (during a toast) “I raise the nacho.”
-Dr. Fisher: I love maps. And you’re probably going to think I’m an asshole because of how much I love maps.
-Carolyn 2: So I’m worried that if Korth asks about how the rodents got to South America I’m going to write “On a boat: they were Vikings and the extinct rodent with the horns on its nose was their leader.”
-Mer: Rasputin was, like, the original bad ass. They tried to do everything to him. But no! He was Lord Voldemort. He spliced his soul into Horcruxes. That’s why it took so many tries to kill him….You could write a whole paper on it.
-Claire: (on the titles of Plato’s dialogues) They’re basically the names of the people who got pwned.
-“The first motor car to be seen in Siberia, the property of a Danish agriculturalist, was also the cause of Siberia’s first traffic accident–when an old woman who saw it took it for the chariot of Antichrist and died of a heart attack.” (from The Life and Times of Grigorii Rasputin by Alex DeJonge)
-Professor Morris: And I’m telling you right now, when I retire, the last class I ever teach at this school? Germany’s going to win World War I. A whole generation of people are going to go out into the world thinking that the Germans won World War I.
The Llama Conversation:
-Diane: Llamas are kind of weird.
-Me: Are you kidding me? Llamas are freaking amazing!
-Claire: Yeah. They’re like the cows of South America.
-Me: No! They’re better than cows because you can shave them.
-Diane:…You can shave a cow.
-Me: No one shaves cows. What would be the purpose?
-Claire: Llamas are the cows of South America.
-Me: No! They’re a cow and a sheep put together!
-Claire: Yeah! They’re sh-ows.
-Diane: Sh-ows?
-Claire: Yeah…or ca-sheeps!
So I’m sure there are a billion more that could be added that I have written down somewhere so there may be a part two to this if I ever get around to locating them.
…Maybe.
