It’s been six days since I first attempted to quit and already I’ve smoked about two packs of cigarettes. While this is actually pretty good considering that I’m a pack-a-day smoker, my fragile self-esteem has taken yet another blow as I have come to the realization that I’m weak and have absolutely no will-power.

My friends and family are all really glad that I’ve decided to consciously try to kick the habit but I think that they’re getting frustrated with me because they were hoping that I’d be done with nicotine for good by now. I don’t think they realize how hard it is to actually fully quit, especially when not only am I addicted to nicotine but I also have a need for some sort of stress-relieving habit in my life.

My real issue is that I don’t want to quit for myself, I want to quit for others. I want to quit so that my friends will stop bugging me about it and so that I can have a chance to date a non-smoker (and one non-smoker in particular). I know full well that it’s bad for me, that it can and probably will kill me, that it’s expensive, etc. Yet, something within me still really enjoys it and wants to keep doing it.

And therein lies the dilemma: how can I convince myself that this particular non-smoker and my friends are more important than what *I* want? A puzzlement, to be sure.

Wish me luck. I’ve only got one cigarette left and I probably won’t be able to go out and buy more anytime soon.

Maybe this time cold turkey will stay cold turkey.

I’m back at school and trying to quit smoking. Other than that the only real major news is that I just lost the election I was running for.

For those of you who are interested, this was the final book list for the summer:

1) Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
2) Eccentric Glamour by Simon Doonan
3) Silent in the Grave by Deanna Raybourn
4) Silent in the Sanctuary by Deanna Raybourn
5) Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing With Fire by Derek Landy
6) Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
7) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
8 ) Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
9) The Spartans by Paul Cartledge
10) The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett
11) Emma by Jane Austen
12) I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
13) Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
14) Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
15) Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut
16) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
17) Animal Farm by George Orwell
18) The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (got halfway through before I gave up)

Not exactly the fifty that I wanted but things came up.

Will try to update again soon but we all know how well that promise gets kept.

~Jenee~

1) Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
2) Eccentric Glamour by Simon Doonan
3) Silent in the Grave by Deanna Raybourn
4) Silent in the Sanctuary by Deanna Raybourn
5) Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing With Fire by Derek Landy
6) Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
7) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
8 ) Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
9) The Spartans by Paul Cartledge
10) The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett
11) Emma by Jane Austen
12) I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
13) Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
14) Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
15) Tides of War by Steven Pressfield
16) Where White Men Fear to Tread by Russel Means
17) Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut
18 ) A War Like No Other by Victor Davis Hanson
19) Silas Marner by George Eliot
20) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
21) The Godfather by Mario Puzo
22) Casino Royale by Ian Fleming
23) Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
24) Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
25) Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
26) David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
27) The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas
28 ) The Histories by Herodotus
29) Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
30) Life of Pi by Yann Martel
31) House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
32) The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
33) The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
34) Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
35) Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
36) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
37) The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis
38 ) Animal Farm by George Orwell
39) Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
40) The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
41) The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
42) The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens
43) Justine by the Marquis de Sade
44) Candide by Voltaire
45) Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
46) 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke
47) The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark
48 ) Pnin by Boris Pasternak
49) Doctor Faustus by Thomas Mann
50) The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho

I’m so excited!!!

And I’m such a nerd.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share. Plus, I figure if anyone reads this they can chastise me for deplorable behavior and maybe somehow convince me not to do the same thing again. Any takers?

My favorite quotes of Junior year in no particular order are:

-”You are a well-dressed pedophile.”- Ting talking about Andy’s costume for The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

-”Caution: May contain zombie weasels.”- Written by Andy on one of the costume shop boxes which contained a bunch of weasel-like fur coats (Seriously…these things had eyes.)

-Jaye: Jeez! I have to fuck you with a water bottle and a Power Bar.

-Jeff: (after I’ve taken a pecan off of his plate) Now seriously, that was just rude. I mean, a man’s nuts…you don’t just take them.

-Jeff: This is the phone I want. They didn’t have a picture…so I drew it.

-Carolyn 2: I have a new life ambition.
Me: What’s that?
Carolyn 2: To become Carmen Sandiego. It sounds like fun…except for the jail part.

-Shannon: So, I just tasted the lake that this fish came from.

-Mike: Snape, the lesbian vampire. (In reference to what my favorite TV show would be)

-Claire: Cow’s will do nothing to protect you in a violent situation.

-Emily: (while watching Leon: The Professional) Leon: The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.
Emily: But soon I will go forward and learn spoon!

-Candide: “When life gives you lemons, make marmalade.”

-Maya: (during a toast) “I raise the nacho.”

-Dr. Fisher: I love maps. And you’re probably going to think I’m an asshole because of how much I love maps.

-Carolyn 2: So I’m worried that if Korth asks about how the rodents got to South America I’m going to write “On a boat: they were Vikings and the extinct rodent with the horns on its nose was their leader.”

-Mer: Rasputin was, like, the original bad ass. They tried to do everything to him. But no! He was Lord Voldemort. He spliced his soul into Horcruxes. That’s why it took so many tries to kill him….You could write a whole paper on it.

-Claire: (on the titles of Plato’s dialogues) They’re basically the names of the people who got pwned.

-“The first motor car to be seen in Siberia, the property of a Danish agriculturalist, was also the cause of Siberia’s first traffic accident–when an old woman who saw it took it for the chariot of Antichrist and died of a heart attack.” (from The Life and Times of Grigorii Rasputin by Alex DeJonge)

-Professor Morris: And I’m telling you right now, when I retire, the last class I ever teach at this school? Germany’s going to win World War I. A whole generation of people are going to go out into the world thinking that the Germans won World War I.

The Llama Conversation:

-Diane: Llamas are kind of weird.

-Me: Are you kidding me? Llamas are freaking amazing!

-Claire: Yeah. They’re like the cows of South America.

-Me: No! They’re better than cows because you can shave them.

-Diane:…You can shave a cow.

-Me: No one shaves cows. What would be the purpose?

-Claire: Llamas are the cows of South America.

-Me: No! They’re a cow and a sheep put together!

-Claire: Yeah! They’re sh-ows.

-Diane: Sh-ows?

-Claire: Yeah…or ca-sheeps!

So I’m sure there are a billion more that could be added that I have written down somewhere so there may be a part two to this if I ever get around to locating them.

…Maybe.

However, with the money that I saved by not paying my deposit and not buying a plane ticket I was able to pay back some people that I owed and buy a cell phone, which I have desperately needed. I’m really freaking excited about it. SQUEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

I will also be going back to Naz next semester which is a close second to what I wanted to be doing in the fall. I’ll be going up to Rochester on Wednesday in order to get everything settled there and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get into the classes that I wanted to get into.

That’s all for now. Favorite quotes of the year list will be up by the end of this weekend.

~Jenee~

10) LAMBDA Scavenger Hunt:

Diane and I literally spent about three hours one night just trying to cross of as many items on the list as possible. I think seeing Diane hugging Carolyn 2 dressed up as a bum was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

9) Senate:

Nothing beats sitting in a tiny-ass room for hours at a time debating with, like, 20 other people. I was so glad that I won the election last semester but actually being on Senate was an experience that was so much better than I thought it would be. Sitting in between two Republicans who tended to agree with me most of the time didn’t hurt either.

8 ) As the Costume Shop Turns:

Out of all of my costume shop memories, I think this one was my favorite. I loved coming up with new ideas week to week for our very own soap opera. …Which reminds me, I still have to post the last two episodes I wrote on the Facebook group.

7) The Costume Shop:

Why, yes, we are insane in the costume shop. But you wouldn’t want us any other way. This was one of my favorite jobs ever. Everyone was so much fun to work with. And hearing Ting tell Andy that he was “a well-dressed pedophile” made my life.

6) Wandering Around Campus Night:

No one has more fun with a camera than Erin, Maya, and I. Wandering around campus and taking videos of fake boxing matches pretty much made my life.

5) Bowling with Carolyn 1

Carolyn 1 comes up so seldom, but when she does it’s always amazing. Hurray for gross bowling shoes!

4) Getting into the College Year in Athens program:

Okay, so this would have gotten higher up on the list if it weren’t that this has been one of the most frustrating things in the entire world. Hopefully next year’s list can include some events in Athens but the way things are going with it, I’m not sure that it’s going to happen. Here’s hoping. *crosses fingers*

3) Girls’ Night In:

Huzzah for good friends, flowing alcohol, and no drama. Girls’ Night In was a success. No one cried. No one threw up. And we all felt better for having done it. I just wish that my hangover hadn’t been so bad.

2) Playing Judas:

I really wish that there was a photo of me dressed as Judas. I know that two people have them but whether or not they’re going to post them online is another thing. Dust of the Road was such a fun experience for me. Not only was the cast a lot of fun to work with but I got to play a creepy dead traitor. Nothing can compare with that. LOL

1) The Quad:

“Whose tin foil is this?” “I dunno.” “We should do something with it!!!!” With these immortal words, tin foil hats were born. I cannot say enough about how much I loved the quad. They’re both my friends and my family. Diane, Christa, and (for a semester) Claire were the best roommates I have ever had. Period. And though we will be scattered across the globe next semester, I hope that someday we can have a Quad Squad reunion so that we can make tin foil hats, have talent shows, and watch Old Gregg. Thank you guys for the best rooming situation of my life.

Honorable Mention:

-Five-minute scene

-Vertex nights

-80s mixer

-Game nights

-Quad Squad talent show night

-Dinner for twelve

Honestly, I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that’s been going on with school that I haven’t kept up with a lot of what’s going on in the world right now. Therefore I don’t feel comfortable discussing anything important as I don’t think that I know enough about it all to have an intelligent opinion on anything.

This is what happens when you actually care enough about your future that you bury yourself in what you’re doing in order to succeed.

It’s also what happens when you get lazy and apathetic because you’re more concerned with that study abroad opportunity that you’ve just finished applying for that you don’t do much of anything else besides classes and homework.

So until I can stop playing the ostrich I hope that you all will have something to blog about because I’ve got nothing.

*sigh*

It’s not like anyone reads this anyway.